Old Friend//New Place

The quality of your joy cannot exceed the purity of your thoughts.

This weekend my german came to visit! We've had some less than ideal weather but we are making the most of it. At least we had nice blue skies the day we went up to the outlook. 

We got to take some pretty fun pictures;

eat some great paella;

and just enjoy each others company.

We've had lots of time to share stories, things we have learned over the last two years, quotes, and music. She shared the quote up there with me and I just love it. 

I have been struggling lately in purity of thought toward others- a battle that comes and goes in my life. Pride, no doubt, is a particular area of struggle. When I do well in something, I struggle with feelings of superiority. When I am doing poorly, I struggle with jealousy and envy. And yet the Lord calls me to:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Philippians

Then the scripture goes on to describe Jesus as the model for this, humbling himself and becoming obedient to the point of death-even death on a cross.

Sometimes I just don't understand that humility.

Oh wait, all the time...

I was reading something (right now I can't remember which book or article, so don't come after me for plagiarism) and this struck me:

What if Jesus, to drink the cup of celebration at his wedding, first had to drink the cup of his fathers wrath to atone for his bride?

That gets me. In fact, I think when I came across it I cried a little. Christ endured wrath to make me his bride. And that is true for all believers, so who am I to consider myself superior or to dwell in jealousy? Christ is the highest good I can have.

Higher than a high gpa.

Higher than fluency in Spanish.

Higher, even, than being in a relationship.

Having him, specifically through the Bible, has been so good. It's like going to a new place with an old friend. He and the Psalms have been a familiar comfort in many seasons of my life, so it only goes that now I can rest in Him even though sometimes I feel complete unrest. 

It's like the oak tree in Jeremiah 17:7 that, though a year of heat comes, is able to remain green. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the streams, and does not fear when heat comes...

It is, sort of, like having Hanna here. We have known each other now for around four and a half years, and yet it feels so much longer than that because we were so close the year she stayed in the U.S.-sharing a room, and pretty much everything else. The familiarity of an old friend in a new place is priceless.

My first semester at college- when I was less than happy to be away from home- I ran into an old friend. We weren't super close over the years, and it wasn't a big deal to run into each other. Yet, I can still fully recall the peace that I felt at just seeing and talking to someone who was familiar. 

So anyway, this time has been so encouraging. I didn't fully realize how blessed I was that sophomore year of high school to have a sister who I could bounce ideas around with, pray with, journal with, take weird photos with, etc. 

And it was SO neat to have my past host sister meet my present host family. We went out to the restaurant where my host brother works and again they pushed a great deal of food on us. Not quite the 12 tapas that came my way last time, but lots and lots of food. It's like this Spanish generosity thing. 

Also during the conversation I found out I ate rabbit last week in something my host mom cooked for me. She laughed and laughed when I realized that, totally amused that I had been ignorant until now. Tonight we'll be going to my host home because she offered to make us dinner. 

But that means that at some point I have to get up from this cozy couch and make my way to my (second) home. I am so blessed. 

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. 

Psalms 16

Sunburnt and at peace

The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it. Psalms

There is another translation of this that says "The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof." I just wanted to share both because I think they're equally and distinctly beautiful.

This verse played in my head like a melody for the whole duration of an adventure I took with Molly (same friend I found the BK ice cream with). We wandered around the orchards and trails behind the Alhambra. 

Specifically "the fullness thereof" just came to mind over and over. How full the world is.            #nofilter #italy #actuallygranada

The sun came out in all its brilliance.
I got sunburnt yesterday, actually. I made a comment during orientation about how I need to buy sunscreen and my profesor was like "No, the sun isn't very strong in Granada. It won't burn you." Haha, well I knew she underestimated the fairness of my skin and I bought sunscreen. 

And then the day the sun came out, I forgot to put it on and went hiking. Nice one, Megan. 

When we came down out of the Alhambra area and back onto the streets, the city was so full of life- street venders, dancers, little bands and string quartets.

This particular band stole my heart immediately because 1) they had two flute players and that was just super neat and 2) the guy talked a little in between the songs and he said <<no es prohibido ser feliz>>

<<Being happy isn't prohibited>>

I'm not sure why I liked that so much, but I did. Maybe because...

No, literally no idea.

Also random thing: I started reading through the Psalms- out loud and in Spanish. I realized that now I can more or less understand all of the Spanish that is spoken to me (listening to Spaniards talk to each other is still so fast and pretty difficult) but I still do not feel comfortable talking much. 

So, weirdly, my next thought was The Notebook. 

Noah had a stuttering problem, so his dad made him read poetry out loud. Applying that to my situation, I decided I just need to practice speaking out loud. I can do that through conversations, but I still end up listening more and speaking less. And instead of buying poetry, I decided the Psalms would work perfectly.

In Psalm 17 David is talking about how others prosper with worldly abundance and then says :

As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake, I will be satisfied with your likeness.

Still struggling with dreams, but this verse has encouraged me a great deal. I can be satisfied in who Jesus is when I wake.

And when I awake, you are still with me.

Psalms 139

Pretty sweet how scripture works together, and how the Lord uses it to encourage me. Today I opened a letter from my mom (from a stack I get to read throughout the semester!). She had written that the more precious something is, the more effort and cost is involved. 

She had no idea how that would apply today. Resting in the Lord takes a lot of effort, and it is so precious. 

Man, this is already like a whole post. I always intend to sit down and "start something" and then I have a whole post's worth and so many more thoughts. Well, until next time!

Meaning

Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? Leo Tolstoy

I've definitely begun to love this place. The orange tree, the free tapas with a drink, really expressive people, beautiful buildings, all the scarves to be bought.

I've only bought one scarf so far though...proud of me? It has been a trial. It is something I'll have to take control of because there are little stands selling scarves everywhere! 

The other thing I really have to keep myself from buying: mugs. Every cute mug catches my eye and whispers to me "come on, you could use one more mug...another pen holder...what about your toothbrush?"

But again, so far I've bought only one. 

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My host mom told me last night that it was pretty last minute that they joined the program. She said that I was already placed with another family but when her friend recommended this home, the program switched me over because they didn't feel as good about the other family. I find it amazing that the groups were already made and somehow I was switched over to this wonderful family. I prayed for my host family so much last semester, often feeling very fearful and emotional. Sometimes the Lord answers prayers so clearly. 

And other times, not so much. I'm still being subjected to lots of dreams. To be totally honest, it's been one of the worst things about being here so far. So I'm still praying that I could rest well and waiting for that to happen, or for the Lord to show me some "why" so that I can learn something from this.

So I've been brought back to this verse many times: The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed I have a pleasant inheritance. Psalm 16 

I'm being reminded that I have a beautiful inheritance here, and one to look forward to. Of all the things I want to learn here, one of the highest on the list is to feel like a "stranger in a distant land". Most people don't go abroad wanting to feel out of place, but this experience has served as a reminder that, like those in Hebrews 11, I am waiting for a better country.

I was flipping through a stack of letters from friends and family to read over this semester and my eyes fell on "for the plane home" from Hanna. Tears quickly filled my eyes as I thought about that moment when I will see my parents again, when I will walk into my house, when I will hug my nephew! And then almost immediately I thought of Christ and the hope I should be holding onto every day of my life. It's good to look forward to things.

...set your heart on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things about, not on earthly things. Colossians 3

And now I have a few more things to look forward to!

In a week Hanna will be coming HERE and then about a month later I'll be heading off to Germany to see Anna! 

There are always the everyday things to look forward to as well. Lunch, for one. 

My host mom taught me how to cook migas the other day. Guess what it's made of? Bread. Sometimes I think that all I eat here is different forms of bread.

And then there's siesta, and el Gran Hotel. And occasional face timing with friends. And the sunshine. 

Finally after a week straight of rain, the sun came out. I know, I know...nothing like the weather you're all dealing with. But I didn't realize how much the cloudy skies affected my mood until the sun came out.               

 You are light after darkness

gain after loss

strength after weakness

crowned after cross

sweet after bitter

hope after fears

home after wandering

praise after tears

sheaves after sowing

sun after rain

slight after mystery

peace after pain

joy after sorrow

calm after blast

rest after weariness

sweet rest at last.

Beautiful in its time

He has made everything beautiful in its time.         Ecclesiastes 3

Sometimes it seems that things just really can't be beautiful, but all things will be made beautiful at some point.

The pigeons here were nothing special until a couple days ago, when I realized the color of the feathers on their necks are exceptionally pretty. I didn't really mean to talk about pigeons when I chose the verse for this post, but I figured I could squeeze it in here. You should look more closely at the next pigeon you see.

It has been dawning on me these last days that I won't be getting fluent overnight. Struggling through conversation to get what I mean to say out there can be exhausting, but I know at some point I'll look back on this time as 'vale la pena'//worth the pain. 

Also, in addition to being vale la pena (now you know a Spanish phrase!), it is totally fun. I have a friend here named Molly and we've been trying to translate phrases like YOLO (you only live once). Well it doesn't work so well...solo vives una vez: SVUV.

But it's fun anyway. And for those of you who know a little Spanish, my friend Brady and I came up with matándolo, for "killin' it".

So that's all pretty sweet. 

Classes have begun. It seems like they will all be interesting: modern Spanish theater, Islamic Civilization in Spain and Northern Europe, economics of the European Union, and so on. All in Spanish! 

Today we played (I watched) soccer in the rain and afterward Molly and I went for ice-cream to celebrate a successful first week of classes. By the time we got ice cream, at Burger King, we were really just celebrating that we finally found ice cream. It seems like the things you think about getting (slippers, ice cream, stamps) are everywhere...until you decide it's time to get those things. Then they magically disappear.

Never fear, though. Burger King came in for the win. And just so you get the idea of how joyous an occasion it was to eat ice cream, here's a picture:

Here's a fun fact: Molly reminds me a lot of my good friend Kaitlin Gibbs. Same curly hair, fun loving nature, taller than me, etc. Found out they have the same birthday too! That's pretty neat.

Recently I was brought to this passage in Hebrews about treating hardship as discipline because, though it isn't pleasant at the time, it produces a harvest of peace for those who have been trained by it. It's no secret that I've been single this last year, and recently it's been a little hard to see couples together-especially when I feel 'alone' in a city full of people. 

Still, I have found that- especially here- I feel so at peace when I am by myself because I feel that even then I am not alone. Christ prayed alone in the garden; Christ died alone on the cross. I never am alone because of His company, encouraging me with the scripture He brings to my mind and blessing me with friendships and a wonderful host family. 

//All of my memories are of beauty now//The beauty of light, pourin’ into every room of this house//Shining all the darkness out//A light has come to this house that crumbled to the ground//And the morning shows there's still hope//

-What the Morning Shows(Dust of Men)

First Little Storm

As for me, I am poor and needy, 
          but the Lord takes thought for me.
                                   Psalms 40

I think I have the best family in all of Spain. 

My host mom goes by Paqui and my host sister is Yani. They are always concerned that I am cold or hungry or something- it's like I'm ten years old because I don't speak Spanish fluently. 
You know when you meet someone who can't speak English and, though you wish it weren't this way, you immediately feel that they are less intelligent? I think my family treats me like a little kid sometimes but honestly I just take it as honest concern. I really do feel loved by them.

Last night they took me to the restaurant where Joaquin, my host brother, works. He brought out plate after plate and I think in the end we tried 12 different dishes. Good thing we walk a lot.

Also my host father, Juan, has a really adorable sense of humor. He just asked me permission to read what I'm writing, and then laughed because he doesn't know english.

They have included me as one of their own, calling me sister from the beginning. My first weekend, Paqui and Yani brought me to a park to take pictures and show my mom that "you are content here in Spain!"

Last week my host mom told me that they had another daughter who passed away in an accident, and it was remarkable that she shared something so painful with me. The daughter's birthday is coming up  next week and as it will be an especially hard day for my host family, please pray for them!

Even with a welcoming host family, I have finally begun to realize the difficulty of adjusting to a new life. Now I have dreams every night that leave me disturbed and thinking of the past. This, along with the stress of deciding travel plans for the semester, left me at my first "low point" last week. 

To be totally honest with you, I sat at my desk and cried for like 5 minutes. 

But then I texted some friends to ask for prayer and Heather, a friend from Penn State, pointed me to Psalm 40. I also read on in Romans and the section I was on consists mostly of Paul explaining his desire to see those he loved. I was comforted to think that even Paul felt what I feel. 

So over the last several days, the Lord has been reminding me that I have no control over the future and He knows every part of it. 

And now some things are coming together. 

My german Hanna is coming at the end of this month to see me...that's only like two weeks! I won't even try to put into words how excited I am to see her.

The Lord is using even the littlest things to tell me "it's going to be ok". 

Like, I'll be sitting here after lunch thinking 'I could really go for some fruit' and yet I'm so full, and don't feel it is worth asking. And then my mom comes from the kitchen with some bananas and asks me if I want some fruit.

Another example: when I began this post, I was sitting in my room. I thought about coming out to the family room but thought my typing might bother them, so I gave up on the idea while still feeling a little lonely. 
Immediately Paqui yells down the hall 'Megan?'. She went on to say I could come out if I felt like it, and that it's better to be together than working alone in my room.

Also today I found a church! I love the Catholic churches here, but it was wonderful to worship with other believers in the way I have all my life (except in Spanish of course). 

Speaking of Catholic churches, I just got back from a short trip to Sevilla. We visited a palace and cathedral that both date back to the muslim rule in Spain, when they were actually a palace and mosque that have since been built on and added to.

A couple years ago someone told me that Catholic churches are so grand because there is a desire to redeem even space- that we can glorify God by recovering (in a tiny way) the beauty of creation before the fall. 
At the time, I was really against the idea and arguing that it is a waste of money that could be used otherwise-to help the poor, fund some charity, etc. 

But I can't complain now, having seen some of these glorious designs and feeling as though it really is a small taste of paradise. 

And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. Revelations

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Another beautiful experience from the trip to Sevilla was experiencing Flamenco. I had seen a short video of it once, but I did not like it. I thought the music was a little weird and the dance even more so. In person though, I was quite in awe. The dancing and the music were one- each a manifestation of the other. So passionate and full.

Well that's all for now. Classes start tomorrow and I'm so excited for a routine... However, that will probably also mean a little less free time and maybe less writing. So, here's to a new semester!

The law of harvest: we reap what we sow

'I believe that the goodness of any event can be squeezed out by God to teach me more about the beauty of life and my relationship with him because I am looking for Him to do it.'

-Mr. Dickinson(wise middle school teacher)in response to Romans 8:28

Optimism has been resurfacing in my life.

In seventh grade, some friends and I wrote these speeches that had to begin with "to me, optimism is..." After that speech contest, it become something very central who I was- to myself and I think to other people (though you are free to disagree).

I feel the anxieties and paranoias of the "teenage years" and all my first world problems swallowed up the optimism I once exhibited. 

Yet when I had to say goodbye to a good friend before leaving for Spain, I had a moment of optimism. He said "it's going to be like eight months" and I responded, "you know, that's just a little over half a year...and only a couple months more than it would've been had I decided to stay".

This probably seems like such a normal response, and sure, it wasn't something super different from what I would've answered- still it reminded me of that hope that I had found in optimism and seeing good instead of bad. So simple. 

Here, I've been told, I'll be stripped of my identity as I adjust to Spanish life and change, according to all that I am learning and experiencing. But I know that as this happens, still I will have the Lord. I don't know if this is optimism really, but I thought it kind of went together.

~Also, on that note, forgive me if any of these thoughts don't really follow each other. I'm sitting with my Spanish family and it's hard to concentrate in English with a movie in Spanish and them speaking to me every couple minutes in Spanish!~

One of the orientation leaders said "when language stops working, you can't communicate, and then you can't project who you are, and you begin to lose your image". (attempted translation)

I think most students were falling asleep during that presentation but I was the nerd taking notes. All that she was saying reminded me of the Lord and the great contrast between what we experience here and His character:

'Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.' Hebrews 13

How different this world and people are! Everything is changing for me: language, friends, even family (I mean, my family is still my family but I have a new family for the semester). Some things about myself are changing too. A small example: I am so much quieter here. Maybe that's because it's a little humiliating when you speak and don't make sense, especially with people behind counters.

Also when it takes you 15 minutes to figure out how to turn on the shower.

Also when you are so sure of what you're saying and then it means something totally different, like the words "hunt" and "marry" are SO similar..

So here's to sowing hope and reaping hope. Sowing peace and reaping peace. Sowing love and reaping love. Sounds cheesy right? 

Sounded cooler in Spanish, but to quote another orientation leader:

"Enjoy this place inside of love. This is one thing that unifies us instead of separating us."